*The main focus of this post is in the last three
paragraphs. The first three are just a walkthrough of how I “caught” this
vision. They are mostly my own struggles and what I have learned about myself.
I AM NOT suggesting that you feel the same way I do about the opening statements.
I just happened to read GoTandem today (an app that gives me
daily spiritual thoughts to think about) and the content was from Romans 5:16.
It said: “Adam’s sin led to condemnation, but God’s free gift leads to our
being made right with God”. Then it went to explain why this message is relevant
to some people. It then said, “This piece relates to growing in knowledge,
faithfulness, and peace. People who struggle with self-forgiveness, growing
spiritually, and fear have found this content encouraging”.
This completely took all the fear out of me that something
was wrong with me. All my life I have felt, in some way, “less spiritual” than
people who live like this and hold to this so strongly. This message was always
something that I agreed with and felt was truth in every way, but, for some
reason, it never inspired me like it did others. This made me feel like something
was wrong, like I had some kind of inherent “evil” in me trying to keep me from
being inspired by truth. But the last part of the GoTandem message revealed to
me that people just struggle with different things and it is okay for them to
find their own way of inspiring spirituality. I have never struggled with
holding on to guilt or condemnation…ever. The longest I hold something against
myself is maybe a few days and then I am ready to overcome it. I have never
felt “not good enough for God” and I have never been “afraid of not doing the
right things to get to Heaven”. I have always had a peace about where I was at
and to whom I belonged. My struggles aren’t so much spiritually as they are
physically and emotionally. I worry a lot about taking care of my life here, I
worry about other people and I COMPARE myself to other people. I let what other
people say about me define me. In doing this, I analyze everything and
everyone. Not always from a negative standpoint, but more often I analyze out
of a want and need to help.
I do struggle. Every day I struggle. And now realize that IT
IS OKAY that I don’t have to listen to the same message about grace for me to
feel spiritually awake and inspired. Don’t get me wrong, grace and the Kingdom
on earth is the truth; the way I feel spiritually awake and inspired is by
letting myself be me, which is often easier said than done. When I create
something, write something, use the imagination that has been gifted to me by
the Holy Spirit, I feel awake. I know that I am loved and chosen, but if I am
not doing something to show that or use the gifts I have been given, a little
piece of me starts to die inside and I get “stuck” spiritually.
I am learning a lot about people these days and I am
learning a lot about confidence. This is all thanks to my wonderful and patient
fiancé. He is teaching me SO MUCH and I love him for that. I know that everyone
has different gifts and everyone is good at different things, but I think
confidence comes when we start really using what we are good at and enjoy life
again. It is OKAY to have fun and to create and imagine. I think the real harm
comes when we start to let others define what is fun to us, or when we let
others tell us what we are good or bad at. For example…you know those friends
and family members who mean well but they can’t let go of something embarrassing
or stupid you may have done in the past? So when you were in middle school (going
through puberty) and you ALWAYS wanted to be in a play and you go to the
audition and your voice cracks half way through the song and you are completely
mortified. There will always be that one friend or family member who cannot let
that go for whatever reason. Maybe you encourage their stabs by laughing along
with them instead of standing up for yourself and now…15/20 years later you
think you can’t sing. Or maybe you were studying for a test in high school and
you felt really prepared (after all this was your favorite subject) and you
ended up with a very low grade. Maybe your parents told you, “it’s okay, you
just aren’t a good test taker”, and for the rest of your life you believed that
about yourself and never expected to do good on another test for the rest of
your life.
Whatever your story may be, we have GOT to encourage each
other to be ourselves. We cannot tell people what they are good or bad at because
chances are, they might just believe that for the rest of their lives and never
TRY. I learned something about myself today that I have let others tell me or
suggest to me differently all my life. I have been defined by comparing myself
to what other people say I should be or how I should be spiritually instead of
listening to the Holy Spirit and letting Him define who I am. I am a doer, a
dreamer, a creator, a writer, a deep thinker and a visionary. But I always
thought these things were a “distraction” from what I am spiritually when
really…they are the exact opposite of that. Those things make me who I am spiritually;
they are who I was created to be on this earth in my human body. I am a
daughter of the KING, and while I am on this earth, He has given me a
personality and gifts and He wants me to be me. And He wants you to be you. Don’t
hide behind what you hear others saying. In fact, forget anything negative
anyone has EVER said to you because it is a lie and Satan will use it to
distract you from being you.
So forget that your voice cracked once in middle school, or
that you made a bad grade on a test, or that a close family member or friend
has told you that you are just not good at [fill in the blank]. If you like to
sing…sing! If you like to learn, but have always been told that you just don’t
meet the mark…take a class where you don’t get graded! If there is anything in
your life that has kept your from doing what you love because you didn’t feel “good
enough” speak against those lies in Jesus’ name. Say it out loud. Ask for
someone close to you to speak those words out loud. It’s amazing how Satan can
no longer attack us when we speak against him in the name of our brother Jesus.
So whenever you are comparing yourself to someone else, speak against the lie,
whenever you are listening to what someone else is saying negatively saying
about you (whether they mean well or not), speak against the lie. Stand up for
yourself and let’s start standing up for our other brothers and sisters! There
are so many people out there hurting because of what they are believing. Let’s
encourage each person we are close to, to embark on a spiritual journey to “re-discover”
who we are (Sons and Daughters) and to “re-discover” the personalities and
gifts we have been given to enjoy our time on earth.
Sorry this was so long, but what else am I supposed to do
when I am laying on the couch ALL day long. Prayers for a speedy recovery would
be appreciated. Thanks! God bless each of you in Jesus Name J
