A Very Merry Christmas to You All

It has been a truly wonderful Christmas. I have also had a lot to think about this year. It seems that every year that I get older, I experience Christmas differently. A lot has happened this year. I have learned a lot and grown a lot, but I have also lost a lot and messed up a lot. I guess that's part of life. But as I sat in the living room looking at all of the faces that raised me and influenced me, I realized that my life is a journey; or better yet, it is a book. Life holds many chapters. Some good, some sad, some climactic. As Christians, we know the end of our story, but it is the pages and chapters in between that lead us to that end. This last year has been quite the "nail biting", "teeth chattering", "sit on the edge of your seat" kind of chapter. As this year gets closer to ending I pray that I continue to write my story in a way that glorifies my Savior. This Christmas I have watched my family stay strong and be able to enjoy a Christmas without the loving presence of my wonderful cousin, Isaac, I have watched my family laugh and play together, and it has taught me to value the time I have.

I am very happy and at peace. Although I am anxious to see the next chapter in my book, and I hope I know who and what will be in it, I am at peace because I know my family is there, and I know God is the one really writing my story.

Merry Christmas to you all. And thank you all for being in my life "book"!

Four Stages

I think there are four stages of regret. The first, apathy: trying to ignore any negative feelings you may have. This could last any where from two to six weeks. Apathy temporarily let's you 'live' your life without feeling; without worrying. But suppressing feelings can only last so long. The second stage is guilt. This guilt slowly creeps up on you while you are 'trying' to be apathetic. Eventually you cannot ignore your feelings anymore. Along with guilt comes desperately tying to find ways to make yourself feel better. Many times, this results in living in the past and wishing you had done or said something differently. The third stage is frustration. During this stage you have almost exhausted all of your attempts to make things better. You have apologized and you have felt remorse and there seems to be nothing left to do. This is frustrating. And this is exhausting. So the fourth stage is forgiveness. There eventually becomes a moment when you realize there is nothing more to be done but rely completely and utterly on God. And during this stage you are finally able to forgive yourself. This does not mean that others have forgiven you. You cannot change the past but you can change the future. So there is no point in dwelling on what you did or did not do, but rather dwell on what you can do today and tomorrow that will make things right. It is also imperative to remember that God is on your side. So at any point, I you feel you are stuck in one of these four stages, talk to God. He always makes me feel better.

Patience...A Virtue?

Well I have learned this week that I am not as patient as I thought I was or thought I could be. Patience is something that is hard to explain. Is patience the actual act of waiting without worrying or is it the feeling of peace you get when you know God is in control or is it pretending like you are not worried but on the inside you are swarmed with anticipation? If I could pick one of those three things to describe me it would unfortunately be the last one. I frustrate myself so much when I tell people I am a patient person. Truth is, I think God is constantly trying to teach me this virtue. About a week ago I prayed that God would give me patience that He would teach me to be content with His timing. Well I forget that God likes to teach and give through experiences, because I cannot be patient or learn patience without having first been put in a situation where I must be patient. God knows what He is doing and I know I will be a better person for it one day. After all, patience is a virtue.

Waiting...

It is time to wait,
Wait,
Wait,
What is that? Is it truth?
Is it sadness? Is it the end?

When regret takes over,
and time stands still,
is the road a dead end?
Can a sorry heart heal a mistake?

One day. One day when all is made well,
And only light prevails, the questions will be answered.
The truth will be told.
The sadness will really be happiness.
The roads will be made clear.
And all will be well.

But wait.
For now...just wait.

Three Words

It is amazing how three simple words put in the correct order can capture a mind and a heart.  They can change a life.  But is it really possible for two people to say those words and really mean them? Is it really possible for two people to mean the same thing?  Life has taught me that there are certain things worth holding on to.  There are difficult moments in life but at the end of the day all I want is to hear those three words.  All I want is to know that everything will be okay.  But everything will not always be okay.  Life is full of darkness and pain but there are also moments in life that are beautiful and full of light and happiness.  So when I think of those three simple words, that is what I think of. I think of pain, darkness and sadness; but at the end of the day I am thinking of the beautiful light and joy that I can share with the people around me.  Life will not always feel right. Life will not always make things easy or straightforward.  But if you told tight to those three simple words and the people you wish to share them with, then at the end of the day you can find comfort in hearing, "I Love You".  And you can rest assured those words will last forever.